there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
