so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
