im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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