I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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