we have pet lesbian snakes
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
