i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
