No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize