??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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