she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
