Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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