I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Couch. On fire.
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