You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
