I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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