I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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