Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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