that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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