I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
