I am puke
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
