There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
