And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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