totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
