don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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