If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
