In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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