I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
