I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize