i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
