I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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