living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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