We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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