When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
