Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
