i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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