Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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