Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I wear drunk well.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
