I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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