i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
