I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
