I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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