Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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