I need help removing her.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
