And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
