Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you win again, gameday.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
