Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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