Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
