Do you still have your period?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
