12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
