I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
