this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
