So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
