Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
