You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
