Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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