I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
