I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
