He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
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