Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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