I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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