I accidentally had phone sex last night
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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