the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
