I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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