Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
