she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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