i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
