i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
